Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman find themselves stuck outside the gates to the main arena, Olympics games, London 2012 and not a spare ticket between them to get in. Being held in London, obviously the stadium wasn't completely finished and round the corner were the remains of a building site!
The Englishman came up with an idea and grabbed hold of some scaffolding, he calmly strolled up to security at the gate and presented himself, "Smith, Pole Vaulter!" and was cooly granted entry.
Next the Scotsman spots a sledge hammer - he grabs hold of it at rushes to security at the entrance and screams, "Macdonald, Hammer Thrower!" and the guards nervously move aside and let him in.
Finally, after much deliberation the Irish man approaches the gate with a roll of barbed wire under his arm and announces, "Murphy, fencing!"
Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman stranded on a desert island about 20 miles from the shore. They decide to swim to the shore as this is their only chance of survival. 12 miles in the Englishmen starts to tire and eventually drowns and dies.
After 15 miles, the Scotsman tires and then drowns and dies. Finally the Irishman swims 19 miles, gets tired and swims back!
Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman on their lunch break on the building site. The englishman opens his lunchbox and shakes his head! "What's the matter?", says the Scotsman. The Englishman replies, "Ham and Cheese, everyday for the last 10 years i get Ham and Cheese, if my wife makes me Ham and Cheese again tomoroow, i'm gonna kill myself!"
The Scotsman proceeds to open his lunchbox and starts to shake his head, "What's up?"asks the Irishman. The Scotsman replies, "Egg...Egg flaming sandwiches, every day for the last 10 years i've had Egg sandwiches..if i get egg sandwiches tomorrow, i'm gonna kill myself."
Next the Irishman opens his lunchbox and shakes his head.."What's wrong?" the other 2 ask. The Irishman tells them, "Tuna, everyday for the last 10 years i've had Tuna..i swear if i get Tuna again tomorrow, i'm gonna kill myself."
The next day, lunch time approaches and the 3 men spy each other in anticipation. First, the Englishman opens his lunchbox and breathes a sigh of relief as he pulls out a chicken mayo wrap...next the Scotsman delves into his Lunchbox and finds a BLT and smiles knowingly. Finally, the Irishman looks into his lunchbox and then stares longingly at his 2 friends before he launches himself of the top of a building. The Englishman and Scotsman check the Irishman's lunchbox and as sure as eggs is eggs, there he has a Tuna sandwich.
The men both shake their heads in anguish and grief for their lost mate, before the Scotsman pipes up..."i wouldn't mind, but he makes his own sandwiches!"